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About Literature / Hobbyist Member SamFemale/Netherlands Recent Activity
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  • Mood: Rant
I cant be the only one now can I?
I just do NOT function in a school system. I can't sit still for an hour straight. Can't listen to long stories that only vaguely add to the subject and I can not read a book and just save whatever is important inside my head. I can't sit down to do my homework or quizzes and even if I somehow manage to do that for a little while, I can't answer the questions without the knowledge of the books and the lessons. I'm smart enough, finished my highschool without any trouble but now I'm in college; I have to start learning. How do people do that?
What I need is simple; someone telling me (or writing down for me) Straight facts. When A happens, you must do B.
then, I can do assignments with that knowledge. But not alone. I have to have someone beside me to answer my questions directly. "Is this +?" "yes." Simply because I'm to insecure and I'm terrified to make mistakes. (so badly that I rather quit than screw it up)
Anyway. I know this is impossible to achieve. But right now, I don't know what to do. I can't follow lessons, I can't read the books. I can't ask someone to summarize everything for me.
Now what? I'm failing terribly.
Yet I love my fellow students, my current dorm and I don't want to leave. Besides, I have no idea what to do if I quit. I have no idea who would hire a college drop out...........
D'AAAAHH

it's anoying. I know I can do it dammit. I'm just completely tied down :c
Stupid god damned school systems
  • Mood: Agony
  • Listening to: Ludovico Einaudi
I started a new study this year. 
And it's killing me.
High school never troubled me
But my god, college does.

My mind isn't capable of learning. Of listening. Of reading.
Lately my ADHD seems worse than ever and I feel handicapped
My life consist of keeping myself under control, there's no room for anything else.
Music can't even cover it anymore. So I'm coloring or playing tetris or sleeping. hours. days. months.
I can't go to the movies. Can't watch one at home either.
Can't listen to story's and can't tell them; I'm always lost halfway.
Can't read texts covering more than 10 sentences. Can't follow my classes.
I don't know what to do right now. I'm lost in the tortures of my mind.
I just want to rip my brain out so badly..
Or any other way to get some peace and quiet.
My brain is no longer in control
Since it's been taken by the shadows
Trying to break its cage of meat
Beating, digging, Pushing through

I know it won't succeed
But sometimes I wish it did
That my skull would just give in
Finally setting it free

The temptation for me is growing
To bury my nails inside my head
Trying to break this cage of meat
Ripping, tearing, pulling apart

I know it wouldn't help
But sometimes I wish it would
That the wind will blow my mind
Finally letting me breathe
ADHD
Found this between some of my math notes. Scribbled in a sloppy handwriting like I was using my last bit of muscle control to get the words on paper. I don't remember writing it but I know I did. No one else could understand so perfectly how I feel.
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bored as hell I guess by Sammyswork
bored as hell I guess
Fresh paint app.
(I'm horrible at drawing and I'm working on a notebook-touchpad. Please don't take it too serious)
I got exams coming up so i'm postponing as much as I can ;p
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  • Mood: Rant
I cant be the only one now can I?
I just do NOT function in a school system. I can't sit still for an hour straight. Can't listen to long stories that only vaguely add to the subject and I can not read a book and just save whatever is important inside my head. I can't sit down to do my homework or quizzes and even if I somehow manage to do that for a little while, I can't answer the questions without the knowledge of the books and the lessons. I'm smart enough, finished my highschool without any trouble but now I'm in college; I have to start learning. How do people do that?
What I need is simple; someone telling me (or writing down for me) Straight facts. When A happens, you must do B.
then, I can do assignments with that knowledge. But not alone. I have to have someone beside me to answer my questions directly. "Is this +?" "yes." Simply because I'm to insecure and I'm terrified to make mistakes. (so badly that I rather quit than screw it up)
Anyway. I know this is impossible to achieve. But right now, I don't know what to do. I can't follow lessons, I can't read the books. I can't ask someone to summarize everything for me.
Now what? I'm failing terribly.
Yet I love my fellow students, my current dorm and I don't want to leave. Besides, I have no idea what to do if I quit. I have no idea who would hire a college drop out...........
D'AAAAHH

it's anoying. I know I can do it dammit. I'm just completely tied down :c
Stupid god damned school systems

deviantID

Sammyswork
Sam
Artist | Hobbyist | Literature
Netherlands
Girl, dutch, weird, energetic, one-of-the-guys, hate sports (no.. this does not mean I'm fat), never put any effort into school even though I should, Never do anything I should do actually, addicted to English language, write when I feel miserable, trying to keep up with fairytail, always in lots of trouble. Yeah.. that's me ;D
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:iconhalostormhybrids:
HaloStormHybrids Featured By Owner Jul 20, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Hey sweetheart! Just wanted to wish you a happy birthday <3 I hope you have a good one! :huggle:
~Rose
Reply
:iconsammyswork:
Sammyswork Featured By Owner Jul 30, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so much
It was a very fun day and many friends showed so.. I was more than happy ^^
Reply
:iconhalostormhybrids:
HaloStormHybrids Featured By Owner Jul 31, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Ahhh, that's so good~!
~Rose
Reply
:iconcloudwhisperer67:
Cloudwhisperer67 Featured By Owner Jul 20, 2014  Hobbyist Photographer
Reply
:iconsammyswork:
Sammyswork Featured By Owner Jul 30, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
hahaha okay I actually laughed, congratz ;p
Anyway; Thank you ^^ 
Reply
:iconverity-kindle:
Verity-Kindle Featured By Owner Jan 25, 2014  Student Writer
Thanks for the fav :)
Reply
:iconsammyswork:
Sammyswork Featured By Owner Jan 26, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
No problem c:
Thanks for your favorites too ^^
Reply
:iconangelamphetamine:
AngelAmphetamine Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you for the favorite!
Reply
:icondna-the-authoress:
DNA-The-Authoress Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2014
Thanks for the fave! :D
Reply
:iconjonot:
Jonot Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2014
Thanks for liking my work. How did you come across it if you don't mind my asking?
Reply
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